GOLF JOKES

1) Is there golf in heaven?
I knew this guy who loved golf. He was my dad's friend, Anyway one day he decided to go to this really famous psychic in the area and see if he could tap into the beyond and finally gets some answers to his burning spiritual questions. After a few days the psychic called and he asked if there was any news of the golfing in heaven. Apparently this guy was going to base his whole morality on whether or not he was able to play his favorite sport in the after life. The psychic told him that there was good news and bad news and asked which did he wants to hear first. He said let's hear the good news first. So the psychic said, "Indeed there was a beautiful 36 hole spread up there". The man said "and the bad news". The psychic replied I saw you are scheduled for a round tomorrow at 10am.

2) Perfect Shot

A man stood over his tee shot looking up, looking down, measuring the distance, figuring the wind direction and speed... driving his partner nuts. Finally his partner says, "What the hell is taking so long? Hit the damned ball!" The guy answers, "My wife is up there watching me from the clubhouse. I want to make this a perfect shot." "Give me a break! You don't stand a snowball's chance in hell of hitting her from here."

3) Religious Golf

Moses, Jesus and an old man went out golfing one day. They get to the hardest hole on the course, a par 5, 542 yds. Moses tees up, takes his shot and it lands in the water. He walks up to the lake parts the water and hits in onto the green. Jesus is up next, he takes his shot, it lands in the water. Jesus walks on the water takes his next shot and it lands on the green. The old man is up next he tees up and takes his shot. The old slices the shot horribly it goes over the highway, bounces off a house, off a car, lands on the power lines, is rolling across them gets picked up by a squirrel, then the squirrel gets taken away by a hawk that flies over the green and the squirrel drops the ball right on the green and it goes in the hole. Jesus turns to the old man and says "Nice shot dad, are we going play golf now or you just going keep messing around?"

4) I got home from playing golf last Sunday a little later than normal and I was very tired. "Bad day at the course?" my wife asked. "Everything was going fine, until Larry had a heart attack and died on the 10th tee. "OH THAT'S AWFUL," my wife said. "You're not kidding. For the whole back nine it was hit the ball, drag Larry, hit the ball, and drag Larry."

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