Golf Jokes

Ed and Judy

Ed and Judy met while on vacation, and Ed fell head over heels in love with her. On the last night of his vacation...

Tiger Woods drives his Volvo into a Petrol Station

Tiger Woods drives his Volvo into a Petrol Station in Cork during his tour of Ireland. The attendant at the pump greets him in a typical Irish manner, unaware as to who the golf pro is, "Top o the morning to you young fella!" more...

Top 10 Things That Sound Dirty, But in Golf Aren't

TOP TEN THINGS THAT SOUND DIRTY BUT IN GOLF AREN'T:

10. Damn, my shaft is bent.
9. After 18 holes, I can barely walk.
8. You really whacked the hell out of that sucker...

18 Reasons Why Golf is Better Than Sex

18 REASONS WHY GOLF IS BETTER THAN SEX

18 - You don't have to sneak your golf magazines into the house.
17 - If you are having trouble with golf, it is perfectly acceptable to pay a professional to show you how to improve your technique.
16 - The Ten Commandments don't say anything about golf...

Stranded on a Deserted Island

A fellow has been stranded on a deserted island for 10 years, and this one fine day while relaxing on the beach, he looks out onto the water and notices something different, but can't quite make it out, he keeps looking and wonders to himself ...

A Golfer in Ireland...

A golfer in Ireland hit a bad slice into the woods. Looking for His ball, he discovered a leprachaun flat on his back, a big bump on his head and the golfer's ball beside him. Horrified, the golfer took his water bottle from his bag and helped the little fellow to drink, eventually reviving him.

A Pastor, a Doctor and an Engineer

A pastor, a doctor and an engineer were waiting one morning for a particularly slow group of golfers.
Engineer: What's with these guys? We must have been waiting for 15 minutes!
Doctor: I don't know, but I've never seen such ineptitude!
Pastor: Hey, here comes the greens keeper. Let's have a word with him...

A Quick Round of Golf

Sid and Barney head out for a quick round of golf. Since they are short on time, they decide to play only 9 holes. Sid offers Barney, "let's say we make the time worth the while, at least for one of us, and spot $5 on the lowest score for the day."

I cannot tell a lie. My secretary and I are having an affair.

A married man and his secretary were having a torrid affair. One afternoon they couldn't contain their passion, so they rushed over to her place where they spent the afternoon making passionate love. When they were finished they fell asleep and didn't wake up till 8 o'clock. They got dressed quickly. Then the man told his secretary to take his shoes outside and rub them on the lawn. Bewildered, she does as he asks.

Free Clubs

A retiree was given a set of golf clubs by his co-workers. Thinking he'd try the game, he asked the local pro for lessons, explaining that he knew nothing whatever of the game.